Emotions
by under.that.sun
Summary: Emotions - they're over filling me, I feel pain, I feel loneliness, I want to have somebody next to me. And I have, or I think I do, I can't stand this feeling... Not AU, but difrent form main OP events, LawLu, yaoi - manxman, thinking Luffy.


**A.N. Simply 'cause I wanted to, yes I'm a terrible person…**

**Warnings: LawLu, Luffy who is thinking.**

**Disclaimer: Simply don't own.**

In a different kind of environment, a different time, in different circumstances everything would have been different. At some point I wish it was different, that our meeting wasn't like that. That when we first met in Saboady Archipelago everything would have turned out to a different route, but it didn't, everything happened as it happened. My wish to turn back time is motivated not only because I would have met him differently, but also by the loss that occurred latter.

I wonder if all of my decisions I did that day were correct, that maybe if I had done something differently we could have avoided that. But then I remember how weak I was, that I couldn't save my brother, I understand that I wouldn't have been able to protect my nakama. I understand that there's nothing I could have changed and that even if I traveled back in time, I couldn't change what happened 'cause it was out of my reach, it still is.

I wish to know if the feeling I have in my chest is not pushed by my loneliness that I felt then, that it's isn't because of my admiration of him. Of my debt to him. But there really isn't a need for me to wish for that, even if I fell for him because of that, it's still him, any other person wouldn't have done. Any other person wouldn't have been a catalyst for my emotions. No else wouldn't have done what he did.

He says that he doesn't know why he did that, or why he's doing this, he always says that it's wrong, but he always agrees, never once there was doubt when he filled me desires… While he's saying one, he does other and he confuses me to no end, but I still seek for him, earn him. I want to be with him and his, only his.

I'm not sure if this emotion won't fade, I don't want for it to fade, after all, it was one of those several things that made me stand up, to understand that I have to live on, to fulfill Ace's wish… He says he doesn't want any emotional attachments, he says that he doesn't feel anything for me, though he fulfills my body's every desire like a slave worshiping its master.

When I say that I love him, he pushes it to my unstable emotions, when I say that it doesn't matter 'cause love is love he says that it will fade away. I say to him that it won't fade away, but he says that it will, as distance and time will push us apart. I want to ask him not to leave, to stay here, to be with me and make sure that it never happens, but I know that I can't do that.

He's a pirate with his own dream and dark past, I can't ask him for something I wouldn't be able to fulfill myself, so I stay quiet, I watch him with a sad gaze and don't leave until he pushes me out. Somehow after everything that happened I seem to have learned to stay at one place for some time. To stand in one place, look into space and think of nothing, he says it's because of my trauma, I don't say anything – how am I supposed to know?

I know he will leave, of course he will, he can't stay here forever, I can't to, I still have 9 dreams to fulfill, I have to fulfill not only my dreams, but theirs too, it's a promise I made to myself after hearing all of them. So even though my heart belongs to him it also beats for people who rely on me, I can't let them down, that's the reason he doesn't steal it.

I know he could, he told me about it once when he lost his patience, even showed it with his own heart. I wanted to snatch that heart away and treasure it more than my hat, but I do bad job with keeping it safe, so I would do even wore with his heart. So I stood there watching his heart beat and wishing that it beat only for me…

He's leaving today and I'm sitting here thinking about things that can't be changed, wishing for something that wouldn't change anything. Pathetic. When did I became pathetic? I stood up; if I want his heart to belong to me I can't be pathetic, I have to become a man he will love. A man Law would consider as an equal…

I ran down from the cliff; he can't leave just yet, I have to say my last words to him, last words for now. I run to his yellow submarine, he's the last person by it and seems he's looking around; maybe he's waiting for me? "Law!"

He turns his head towards me and I see a shadow of relief on his face; so he really was waiting for me… I stop in front of him panting. "I will become a man you will be proud to love, I will become someone that will be able to say 'love you' in a strong voice. I will become a great man and will snatch your heart away!"

A rare smile appears on his face; he smiles so rarely, but every time he does it feels like my soul is lighting up. He leans and puts a peck on my lips. "I will be waiting."

And he leaves, he doesn't look back as he walks to his submarine, I watch it immerse and the moment it does I go under a tree I first kissed him clouded by my pain. I lay under it and close my eyes; I still have to heal then I can start becoming stronger…

_2 years later_

I look into his eyes; they look the same as they did two years ago… I smile with a grin I stopped faking long ago. "Did I already became a man worthy of your love?"

"Yes, more than I expected." He ruffles my hair leans and puts a peck on my lips, warmth immediately starts filling me, I don't care about the stares that are following our every move; he said that I'm worthy, so it's no problem now.

I look deep into his eyes and try to reach his heart. "I love you."

I feel it in my grip and our heartbeats become one. "I love you too."

I grin and kiss him; I know that we won't stay together forever, but my love for him won't fade, I'm sure of that now. And it seems he finally found the feeling in his chest, he admitted having it… I will treasure all of our moments and when time for our departure comes I will wait for our next meeting in this vast sea. Love is a feeling that can overcome great difficulties after all…

**A.N. I did this in less than an hour, that means there's a lot of mistakes, but I will fix them in the next couple of days… Hope you enjoyed this emotional journey! :}**


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